We all have our own stories, and I am certain not all are as interesting but I am also certain that they are worth writing about anyway. We have all endured different sorts of pain and also had the pleasure of pleasant days. We are wired different such that what to me may pass as excruciating pain may strike you or another different. Well this is one of my stories, one which I want to share with just one person. So by any means if your name is not Eve, this is not for your eyes nor ears. This is the story of how I got my heart broken, my hopes dwindled and my determination overcome. This is my bitter story of how I found a penny and lost it almost immediately. The dissapointment, the sadness and the sombre mood that I have to battle as a result are things I have decided to share with you Eve because for a moment there it felt real. I want to believe that I wasn’t mistaken.
My dear Eve, perhaps dearest is best so my dearest Eve I wish you understood the simple fact that I cannot take emotional pain. Shoot me if you will but whatever pokes my inner soul, scrambles my entire being and reduces me to a walking carcass. Anything that disturbs that delicate balance of my emotional welfare distabilizes every fiber of my soul and renders me helpless. Forget the strong and full-figured persona I seem to put on, that’s is just one of those walls I built for my emotional sanctity. Look who brought that wall down and made to the very heart she was guarded against? The timing seemed perfect and so was everything else especially you, and just like that I fell in love again. The very thing I swore on my grandfather’s grave that I’d never do. I can’t blame myself for that though. You were way too beautiful to ignore, you had the charisma of a goddess and the tenderness with which you treated me blew me like a soaring wind right into your hands. The rest as they say is history.
You took me in when I had no one, sincerely speaking, even I wouldn’t have had me. I was way too miserable to be considered for the kindness you showed me. Eve to this date I remember that red dress you wore the day we met, the tattered shoes you had on and the dust on your feet because you has been walking throughout KU in the scorching sun to assist a total stranger. I think they call that love at first sight these days, you instantly became the one thing that mattered to me. The only thing actually. The tough times you faced because of the rejection your friends fettered me, the social isolation you endured and the absolute uncertainty that you overcame to take care of this stranger stood out so much I cannot help but write about it. I love you for several reasons and if need be I can list them all. For now though, let me tell you something my dearest Eve.
I pour my heart out to you because if there is anything good in there, it must be you who put it there because we both know that before you I literally had nothing and no one. What I have, what I have become and what I will be, is because of how significantly you have shaped my life. I don’t know what drove you to be so kind to me because if I remember very well I wasn’t kind to myself. There was not enough person in me to even love in the first place but you did nonetheless. I am sure you do not know and perhaps that is why you do these things sometimes, but my life revolves around you like the planets do the sun. I am writing to explain that I have always imagined what we have could withstand anything even the wayward stories fabricated by a married man. Weren’t you the very person who told me he has tried to separate you from me before? Why you still chose to listen to him I may never understand. Only you can tell me that.
Why did we have to endure all that we endured and then crumble like bread at the first sign of trouble? And for what? For how long must you deny yourself your inherent and deserved happiness for people who genuinely haven’t the slightest interest in your wellbeing? I have to say that I am a little disappointed with the fact that after dating this long, you still do not know me well enough to tell what I am and what I am incapable of doing. You have the liberty to chose what to believe, but please be in full knowledge of the fact that your choices affect not just you. Like I said you are the closest I have been to a family. Its like God made you for me, the unfortunate bit is you let another man make me out as something very different from the creation God had in mind. These are tough times for me, and I do not know how I am going to survive it but I will try. For the sake of your peace and mine. I regret nothing because the time that I was with you were the highlights of my short miserable life.
The past few weeks have been great, even in my wildest imagination, I couldn’t have imagined we’d be here. I seemed to have forgotten that the bulb burns brightest just before it explodes. I should have known that the joy we were experiencing at the time was the bridge we were crossing into the chaos we are in now. Maybe it would have hurt less. Nothing could have prepared me for this though. Not even years of training, my heart is that weak. There are some things that only an eye that has been cleaned by tears can see. There are feelings that can only be understood by people who have experience a certain kind of bitterness. I am in that emotional nowhere where I have drained my tears till I can’t cry no more. I am in that place where nothing makes sense, not even a little. I not any different from a dead man except for the fact that they at least are lucky to have the sweet release of death. You have taken me back to a place I never imagined I’d go back to.
I am pretty sure I wasn’t mistaken when I fell in love with you and God in heaven knows I still am. A relationship is for two people a third person will only sink that ship. I chose you over my family, I do not understand how someone convinced you that I’d chose another stranger over you. They misled you and for that reason my heart bleeds. I have been hurt before but not once have I penned it save for this one time. You have a choice to make, so I will leave you to it. As you make it remember how it all started, try and recall what made you fight for this relationship even when the odds seemed least probable. You overcame a whirlwind so it surprises me that you toppled over because of a breeze. The choice is still yours to make though, I am the unfortunate martyr who will bear the consequences. All the best Eve, I wish you all the best.